i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
