puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
