Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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