when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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