So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
