there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
