Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
