I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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