i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
