Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
