I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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