Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
