I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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