do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
