I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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