i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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