I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
