A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
