After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
