I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
