I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
