We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i will never coherently bang her
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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