He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize