my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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