We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
