I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
