As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
