i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
