If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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