Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
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thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
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Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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