Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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