Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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