After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
