it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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