I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
