She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
