The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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