True but thats because hes a fetus.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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