i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
