I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize