highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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