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True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
