he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
