I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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