Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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