Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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