if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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