So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
