Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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