I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's rum buckets o'clock
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
