soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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