i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
