he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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