Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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