It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
