You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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