this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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