dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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