The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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