Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
