The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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