Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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