If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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