I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
