I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
