Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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