VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
