So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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