I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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