It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
