tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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