she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
God, I missed his penis.
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