Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
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Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
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It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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