I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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