ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
