I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
my liver is dry heaving
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
